Also, I mean, it's all over the place with it's content because my head was just a complete mess at the time.
So, last night I got really irritated and blogged about why on tumblr, I'll insert that post here:
"So, tonight I changed my cover photo on facebook to this:
<----- And a guy friends list says “Is that another photo of you?” and it was just so unnecessarily rude, like, why would you even put that comment? What were you even trying to say? That I look like a monster or I’m hideous or something? I don’t get it. I just don’t.
Was there a point? Were you trying to be clever and funny? Like, this guy is just… I just don’t like him. As a person. He’s like my father in that I feel like I can’t really be myself or have any fun when he’s around because he’ll just make a fucking comment that ruins everything. I even had to make it so he couldn’t see any of my statuses on facebook just to feel less restricted. I don’t even know why I kept him on my friends list for so long anyway.Now, when I get irritated or upset or I'm bothered by something, I tend to wind up just getting hit in the face, figuratively, by bad thoughts or memories and one memory that came to mind last night, for whatever reason, was this one time when I was taking a late bus home with a friend 'cause we stayed after school to do something, I forget what it was, and our bus driver, Sandy, who had some reputation for being everyone's favorite decided to yell at me and force me to sit up front on the bus because I called a kid who was acting weird, well, weird. I didn't mean anything bad by it, nor was I trying to insult him. I'm weird, my friends are weird, everyone is weird in some way and it's honestly nothing to be ashamed of and if he was hurt or offended by it, he could have just told me and I would have gladly apologized, but no. Sandy heard me saying that about him to my friend not even him, and she called me to the front and threatened to kick me off the bus if I did it again.
I did not feel good at the time he made that comment and I still don’t either, so I blatantly told him to fuck off and he has the audacity to say “As you wish, dark lord.” Are you kidding me? You can’t tell I was annoyed and/or bothered by your previous comment so you just have to be a fucking sarcastic prick? What the hell? I don’t even care if I’m over-reacting to this shit, it was all just so unbelievably unnecessary.
I mean, I could get it if it was like, an obvious joke or we had the kind of friendship where we just understand when we’re not serious and whatever but I never had that with him. He is either always serious, or always seems serious and I don’t have the kind of friendship with him where those comments are something I know is a joke or that I think is funny. We don’t even talk so I don’t get why he would just comment that out of nowhere. Anytime he ever commented on anything on my facebook just came off as rude or snarky and it’s just annoying. He and I just, quite honestly, never got along.
Also, his name is Brandon. Which, I mean, it’s not a bad name or anything, it’s just that Most if not every Brandon I’ve ever known or met or heard about has wound up being an asshole in some way or was just always an asshole. Like, this one Brandon I grew up going to school with, in high school he stood by me in the hallway while I waiting for the bell to ring so we could go to class and I look at him and sarcastically say ‘what do you want’ (I was literally not being serious at all) and he walks away and some girl decides to stand up for him and say ‘he can stand wherever he wants, besides you don’t even count as a human being’ or something along those lines, and he just thanked her for that and acted like what I said, which was sarcastic, justified her saying that I don’t count as a human being. Like that was even relevant to what just happened. How is anyone ever justified in saying that to someone else? What she said on his behalf was worse than any sarcastic comment I had ever made to him. That guy always wound up making me feel like shit. Another time we were talking on AIM, like we were having an ACTUAL conversation in that we were talking as though we were actually good friends and apparently because of this, it was like I was a different person to him, in that was the first time we had actually decently got along and were able to just talk to each other about things and so the next day he starts talking to me like I was being weird the previous night for not acting like a freak online. Like, look, I have never really felt comfortable being myself around this guy because he just never made it seem possible. We never really got along. We never really tried to get to know each other. We were just never really friends, and the way he was acting in that he acted as though he knew me so well that it was such a surprise when I acted in an unexpecting manner, was just so weird and it just, frankly, bothered me."
See, the thing is, we were in an area that I was unfamiliar with, and she would have literally just left me there, all because I called some kid weird. I was 15, most 15 year olds are immature and do something they probably shouldn't, but I could have called him worse tbh, but I wouldn't have because he didn't do anything to deserve it, but I could have and yet all I called him was weird. (it's like the one time I commented on coppercabs facebook status about him wanting to become a rapper saying that I think it wouldn't work out for him and he'd possibly get more hate than he already does/did, and out of all the much worse comments he got on that status or any of his statuses in general, one of his 'fans' picks me out of everyone and tells me I should kill myself and that nobody would miss me.)
I think all of the above stories have something in common: people over-react to the smallest thing like someone being called weird, or something being sarcastically asked about what they want and handle it with something that is, in retrospect, much worse than what they were upset about in the first place. And sometimes you just shouldn't be friends with people who you are not happy being friends with.
Take all of this as you will.