Saturday, February 7, 2015

50 Shades of Grey

Most people should, by now, know what this book is and that it's now a movie. As of late there's lots of people urging others to NOT see this movie and, tbh, I agree.
I get that lots of older women like this book and might use it to try and spice up their sex lives, but it's going to give lots of people the wrong impression of BDSM and it's going to make people confuse abuse for BDSM.

Now, for those of you that don't exactly know what BDSM is:
BDSM is a variety of erotic practices involving dominance and submissionroleplayingrestraint, and other interpersonal dynamics. Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in by people who do not consider themselves as practicing BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community or subculture is usually dependent on self-identification and shared experience. Interest in BDSM can range from one-time experimentation to a lifestyle.
It's enjoyed by people that like to role play as dominant over another or being powerless and submissive to another. This can be dangerous and only done with a partner you can trust completely. Make sure you have a stop word, a phrase that tells your partner he/she has gone too far it's time to stop. That's where the trust comes in.
And do not forget that in the ACTUAL lifestyle, what is done is consensual, otherwise it is ABUSE.

In 50 Shades of Grey, they portray BDSM as this abusive practice and it's incredibly problematic.
Christian even RAPES her in the book. 

Rape is a serious issue, and I don't know about you, but I really feel like this could give some abusive people ideas on how to manipulate/abuse their partners while tricking them into thinking they're just acting out something from this 'romantic' and 'sensual' novel/film.
Here's a few quotes from the book:
"No,” I protest, trying to kick him off. He stops. “If you struggle, I’ll tie your feet too. If you make a noise, Anastasia, I will gag you.’
“Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell - remember?”
‘“You need to learn to manage my expectations. I am not a patient man.” He’d probably like to beat seven shades of shit out of me. The thought is depressing.’
“No, please. I can’t do this, not now. I need some time, please.”
“Oh, Ana, don’t overthink this,”
‘And he hits me again and again. From somewhere deep inside, I want to beg him to stop.’
“Please don’t hit me,” I whisper, pleading
‘He wants to hurt me… how do I deal with this? I can’t hide the horror on my face.’
‘“Do you have something to tell me?” his voice is suddenly stern. I frown . Crap. “I had a dream this morning.” “Oh?” He glares at me. Double crap. Am I in trouble?’

Did you know a man killed his girlfriend in a 50 Shades of Grey-style-sado-masochistic sex game? SOURCE
"The unnamed 31-year-old is accused of killing his German girlfriend after she was hit 123 times with a wooden blackboard pointer while bound with nylon tights and condoms.
The man claims the 28-year-old woman was a willing ‘sex slave’, but police later found a diary in which she wrote: “You once said you did not want to see me in real pain. I am subservient but no masochist.”
The man was charged last week in connection with the woman’s death in October. She is said to have been an exchange student who had only been in the country for nine days to meet the boyfriend she had befriended on a previous visit and had kept in touch with online.
Police said the man raised the alarm after he noticed his partner had stopped breathing during their S&M session at his home in Umea, northern Sweden.
He tried in vain to resuscitate her before the ambulance arrived, with the woman spending two days in intensive care before her life support machines were switched off.
She is said to have sustained “terrible” brain damage as a result of her airways being restricted.
Local prosecutor ├ůsa Jonsson said she had her mouth stuffed with something which led directly to her death, adding: “It is our belief he is directly responsible for her death.”
The manslaughter trial gets underway next week.”

 

Plenty of people may be like 'Oh it's just a movie, calm down' but honestly, do you know how many people are going to, or have read this book or seen the movie and decided 'Wow, I sure hope I find someone like Christian Grey' or 'Oh man, I really want to try some of this stuff'. It's a problem. Sure, to you it may be just a movie or a book, but it could influence someone who might then go on to really hurt someone or, like the guy mentioned above, kill someone. Not to mention how it might influence young women who are naive when it comes to relationships into thinking that this is how a healthy relationship should be. It's not.
It's like after various tween/teen girls saw Twilight they wished for someone like Edward Cullen. 

If you read this book or see the movie, take it as just that, a book or a movie. Don't decide to do any of the stuff you read or saw. If you want to get into BDSM, read about it, and learn about it. Ask people who are experienced in legitimate BDSM. Don't just abuse your partner and call that BDSM, 'cause it's not.

If you are in a abusive relationship or are experiencing domestic violence, please seek help:

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