Monday, August 11, 2014

Is Suicide Selfish?

(For those of which might need calming down or cheering up or any kind of distraction for any reason, here's a masterpost of links: click here)

As most people know by now, Robin Williams has passed away (My condolences to his family in this tough time. He changed many lives and he will be missed by many people. I loved him on Whose Line and I will remember his movies. I quoted a tumblr post I really liked down at the bottom of the page with the source link back to the tumblr it's from. I hope you'll read it. R.I.P, Robin.)
He had committed suicide after a long fight with severe depression and after reading the article about it on, I scrolled down and noticed a comment talking about how selfish suicide is.

Look, I know the devastation that suicide can leave behind. Not first hand, but I still know. It can be incredibly hard to get through, and sometimes some people never move past it, but suicide is not selfish.
Suicide is hard.

I've been fighting depression on and off for a good chunk of my life, and it was so bad when I was younger that I did consider 'oh, the world would be better off without me, I should just kill myself', and to be quite honest, if I had any guts, I might have actually made an attempt. It is so hard to get to the point where you have the strength to take your own life. Nobody that I know of or have heard of wakes up one morning and decides 'I'm going to just fucking kill myself, I don't give a shit about anybody who cares about me'. That would be selfish. That's more than likely not what's going on in the mind of a person with severe depression and mental illness.
The people who call it selfish, and while some might have, have probably never been in a place that dark. Depression is not an easy thing to beat, and if you've beat it, you did a good job, but there's lots of people who can't and even with their friends and family (who they feel they're a burden to) they still have trouble fighting it and finding a reason to live. It clouds you and covers you in this dark and heavy feeling that you have nobody and nothing and that people would be happier and free-er if you were to disappear. Sometimes that feeling is so strong you can't shut it off or cover your ears and say 'LALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU.'
They don't kill themselves to be selfish, they kill themselves because they think it's the only way to make the pain stop or to stop being a burden to the people around them.
I know it shouldn't be, but some people in that really dark place view it as an escape and the only way out.
People feel suicidal and fall into a dark place for hundreds of different reasons. I really don't think one of them is because they want to and because they don't give a shit about their family and friends.

“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.” -David Foster Wallace

I want to say to people who are fighting that really fucking hard battle something inspiring but I don't want to say it gets better. I hate hearing that and while it may help some, it just isn't enough. (Because while it's a nice thought, it doesn't change things NOW, 'it gets better' is a nice down the line thing that doesn't really change your current cirumstance. but I do hope that it gets better for every single person suffering, whether it be because of mental illness or a bad personal situation or even because of something else.)

I'm really not sure what to say, but I will say take small steps, handle one day at a time, don't let people make you feel guilty for the things you're dealing with, and don't put pressure on yourself to get better. It's a hard battle and everyday is a challenge, but if you at least get out of bed, even for a few minutes, that's an accomplishment. All you can do is try.
And if you're someone who knows someone suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts, PLEASE, make an effort to help them, try to understand what they're going through and be by their side through all of it. Being alone/ignored and feeling like nobody gives a shit about your problems or that you have nobody you can turn to for help is not a fun feeling to have.
I hope someday soon mental illness will be treated and taken seriously so it can be treated effectively.

If you are experiencing depression or considering suicide, there are people who are ready and willing to help.
  • Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (2433) – Can use in US, U.K., Canada and Singapore
  • Suicide Crisis Line: 1-800-999-9999
  • National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK (8245)
  • National Adolescent Suicide Helpline: 1-800-621-4000
  • Postpartum Depression: 1-800-PPD-MOMS
  • NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group: 1-800-826-3632
  • Veterans: 1-877-VET2VET
  • Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis: 1-800-233-4357
  • Suicide & Depression Crisis Line – Covenant House: 1-800-999-9999
  • Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide: (UK only) 0844-561-6855
  • Beyondblue info line: (Australia only) 1300-22-4636
  • 24/7 Crisis Line:(Canada only) 905-522-1477
  • Lifeline Australia: 13-11-14
Youth & Teen Hotlines:
  • National Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663
  • Youth America Hotline: 1-877-YOUTHLINE (1-877-968-8454)
  • Covenant House Nine-Line (Teens): 1-800-999-9999
  • Boys Town National: 1-800-448-3000
  • Teen Helpline: 1-800-400-0900
  • TeenLine: 1-800-522-8336
  • Youth Crisis Support: 1-800-448-4663 or 1-800-422-0009
  • Runaway Support (All Calls are Confidential): 800-231-694
  • National Runaway Hotline: (US only) 1800-231-6946
  • Child Helpline: (UK Only) 0800-111
  • Kids Helpline: (Australia) 1800-55-1800
  • Youth to Youth: (UK only) 020-8896-3675
  • Kids Help Phone Canada: 1800-688-6868
  • National Youth Crisis Hotline:(US only) 800-442-442-4673
I want to add this song to this post because it's one of my favorites and maybe it will help someone feel better.
Sorry about the size, this is the first time I've ever used sound cloud. :P
I really enjoyed this post made on Tumblr by and I hope you'll like it too. 
"robin williams died today.
here is a list of things that robin williams was:
  • funny 
  • sharp 
  • kind 
  • clever 
  • and sad.
that’s important, the “and sad,” because sometimes sadness can feel like the only thing we are. it can feel all-encompassing. it can feel like the only thing anyone could possibly see, when they look at you: sad. that person is so, so, sad.
but there is always an “and.” we are never just sad. we are never only. we are always and.  we have all known people who were sad, who are sad; some of us are ourselves sad. being sad does not remove the other parts of us, though it can make them harder for us to see. when you are sad, you don’t necessarily feel like you are also funny, and sharp, and clever, and kind.
but you still are. you don’t have to feel like something to be it.
those things are written on your bones, they are woven into the fabric of your skin. sadness can feel so big, so big and overwhelming and complete, even when it is not a directed sadness. maybe especially when it is not a directed sadness, when it’s a depression that has no direct cause and nothing we can name.
sometimes the sadness is too big. people try to cut it out, or starve it out, or drink it down, or drug it silent. if this is you: i’m sorry. if this is you: you are not alone. if this is you: remember that the solution is never to give up, because you do not live in a vacuum. there are people waiting for you. there are films and songs and books and not-sadness waiting for you. i know that you don’t feel like waiting, but wait anyway.
if you need help, ask for it. here’s a link to crisis centers across the globe. if you live in the U.S., this is the national suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255.
robin williams died today, but the genie didn’t, and mrs. doubtfire didn’t, and peter pan didn’t. sean maquire didn’t, and professor philip brainard didn’t, and alan parrish didn’t. batty koda didn’t. john keating didn’t. you didn’t.


  1. I completely agree with this and can relate to it. When I've considered suicide it was never because I wanted to hurt those around me. I felt like a burden to them, a waste of time, money, resources that could be used for someone else. Someone better than me. I know that they would be hurt by it, but I feel like I hurt them so much that this would be the better choice. When I'm not depressed I can see how it would seem like flawed reasoning, but I don't think it is. Whenever I consider it, I'm mostly thinking of everyone else and how I think their lives would be better without me in it. Not that my life is so terrible that I can't handle it anymore. I have never had the, and I call it courage, to actually do it. No matter how good the idea sounds I can't seem to bring myself to go through with it. I can really relate to this post though, and I'm glad I was able to read it.
    I love you, Nee <3
    ~Your wife~

    1. I'm glad you were able to get something from this post and that you could relate and that you enjoyed it.
      I love you too, darling.