Thursday, May 5, 2016

Pro-Life or Pro-Choice? (Pregnancy, Abortion, and Adoption)


What happens during pregnancy: Stomach
capacity shrinks, lung capacity shrinks,
Organs get smushed and sometimes they
can be permanently displaced.  Sometimes,
hernias will appear or worsen. Sometimes,
the pelvic floor permanently drops.
Sometimes, internal damage occurs that
you don't find out about until later. 
First and foremost, for those of which that might not exactly be aware of what it is or means to be Pro-Choice or Pro-Life:

Pro-Choice - advocating legalized abortion.

Pro-Life - opposing abortion and euthanasia.

--------------------------------

I am Pro-Choice. It takes a lot to be ready, not just to raise a child and take care of a child, but to actually be pregnant with a child. When it comes to the things that "Pro-Lifers"thinks, it's not exactly an easy ride to take just to give up a baby you are looking to abort. It's not even like all women who have abortions don't want the baby, some aren't in a place where they can afford the costs of a pregnancy (especially a complicated one) or their health isn't in a good enough place where a pregnancy is a risk they can just take.

Pregnancy can be potentially very damaging:

Normal, frequent or expectable temporary side effects of pregnancy:
  • exhaustion (weariness common from first weeks)
  • altered appetite and senses of taste and smell
  • nausea and vomiting (50% of women, first trimester)
  • heartburn and indigestion
  • constipation
  • weight gain
  • dizziness and light-headedness
  • bloating, swelling, fluid retention
  • hemmorhoids
  • abdominal cramps
  • yeast infections
  • congested, bloody nose
  • acne and mild skin disorders
  • skin discoloration (chloasma, face and abdomen)
  • mild to severe backache and strain
  • increased headaches
  • difficulty sleeping, and discomfort while sleeping
  • increased urination and incontinence
  • bleeding gums
  • pica
  • breast pain and discharge
  • swelling of joints, leg cramps, joint pain
  • difficulty sitting, standing in later pregnancy
  • inability to take regular medications
  • shortness of breath
  • higher blood pressure
  • hair loss
  • tendency to anemia
  • curtailment of ability to participate in some sports and activities
  • infection including from serious and potentially fatal disease (pregnant women are immune suppressed compared with non-pregnant women, and are more susceptible to fungal and certain other diseases)
  • extreme pain on delivery
  • hormonal mood changes, including normal post-partum depression
  • continued post-partum exhaustion and recovery period (exacerbated if a c-section — major surgery — is required, sometimes taking up to a full year to fully recover)
Normal, expectable, or frequent PERMANENT side effects of pregnancy:
  • stretch marks (worse in younger women)
  • loose skin
  • permanent weight gain or redistribution
  • abdominal and vaginal muscle weakness
  • pelvic floor disorder (occurring in as many as 35% of middle-aged former child-bearers and 50% of elderly former child-bearers, associated with urinary and rectal incontinence, discomfort and reduced quality of life)
  • changes to breasts
  • vericose veins
  • scarring from episiotomy or c-section
  • other permanent aesthetic changes to the body (all of these are downplayed by women, because the culture values youth and beauty)
  • increased proclivity for hemmorhoids
  • loss of dental and bone calcium (cavities and osteoporosis)
Occasional complications and side effects:
  • spousal/partner abuse
  • hyperemesis gravidarum
  • temporary and permanent injury to back
  • severe scarring requiring later surgery (especially after additional pregnancies)
  • dropped (prolapsed) uterus (especially after additional pregnancies, and other pelvic floor weaknesses — 11% of women, including cystocele, rectocele, and enterocele)
  • pre-eclampsia (edema and hypertension, the most common complication of pregnancy, associated with eclampsia, and affecting 7 - 10% of pregnancies)
  • eclampsia (convulsions, coma during pregnancy or labor, high risk of death)
  • gestational diabetes
  • placenta previa
  • anemia (which can be life-threatening)
  • thrombocytopenic purpura
  • severe cramping
  • embolism (blood clots)
  • medical disability requiring full bed rest (frequently ordered during part of many pregnancies varying from days to months for health of either mother or baby)
  • diastasis recti, also torn abdominal muscles
  • mitral valve stenosis (most common cardiac complication)
  • serious infection and disease (e.g. increased risk of tuberculosis)
  • hormonal imbalance
  • ectopic pregnancy (risk of death)
  • broken bones (ribcage, “tail bone”)
  • hemorrhage and
  • numerous other complications of delivery
  • refractory gastroesophageal reflux disease
  • aggravation of pre-pregnancy diseases and conditions (e.g. epilepsy is present in .5% of pregnant women, and the pregnancy alters drug metabolism and treatment prospects all the while it increases the number and frequency of seizures)
  • severe post-partum depression and psychosis
  • research now indicates a possible link between ovarian cancer and female fertility treatments, including “egg harvesting” from infertile women and donors
  • research also now indicates correlations between lower breast cancer survival rates and proximity in time to onset of cancer of last pregnancy
  • research also indicates a correlation between having six or more pregnancies and a risk of coronary and cardiovascular disease
Less common (but serious) complications:
  • peripartum cardiomyopathy
  • cardiopulmonary arrest
  • magnesium toxicity
  • severe hypoxemia/acidosis
  • massive embolism
  • increased intracranial pressure, brainstem infarction
  • molar pregnancy, gestational trophoblastic disease (like a pregnancy-induced cancer)
  • malignant arrhythmia
  • circulatory collapse
  • placental abruption
  • obstetric fistula
More permanent side effects:
  • future infertility
  • permanent disability
  • death.
In my honest opinion, given the information above, I feel that all women should have the option to have an abortion. Early, or late term, it's done for a reason. Forcing someone to carry could ruin their health, make them resent the child, or even kill them, kill the baby, or even both.
Have you read about the woman who died because she was denied a life saving abortion in a Irish Hospital? Her name was Savita Halappanavar and she developed blood poisoning due to miscarrying but when Her and Praveen (husband) begged Galway University Hospital to grant an abortion as her health was rapidly fading, doctors denied and told them ‘this is a catholic country’.
He said his wife vomited repeatedly and collapsed in a restroom that night, but doctors wouldn't terminate the fetus because its heart was still beating. When the fetus’s heart stopped beating that was when the doctors surgically removed the remains but it was too late; Savita died a couple of days later.



-----------------------------------------------------------------


As far as adoption is concerned, I wanted to share something someone else said due to how informative (albeit sarcastic) their post is. I mean, despite the sarcastic remarks, it's quite accurate.
So, here's a Tumblr user's, who was given up for adoption, view/opinion on abortion
blackestofmoons:

bronzebasilisk:

ryunwoofie:

sonneillonv:

autumn-and-eve:

erinsmomma:

How can someone stand behind abortion, when you have a life inside of you that God created for you? How can you say that this life isn’t worth it? If you can’t take care of the baby for whatever circumstances than there is always adoption available to couples who can’t conceive, but still want the joy of being parents. OPEN YOUR EYES! God has bigger plans for us all that we don’t even realize the picture.

Excuse me but it appears your baby is actually upside downDid you take Sex Ed freshman year because babies come out headfirst

Hi, OP!  As someone who was given up for adoption, allow me to call bullshit on your little post there!  You see, when I was adopted, I was a white-skinned, healthy, neurotypical infant, which basically put me at the top of the list, right underneath white-skinned, healthy, neurotypical MALE infants!  There’s only one kind of infant people wanted to adopt more than me!  I was SOOO lucky!  But if you actually bothered to look at the information readily available on the interwebs, you would be aware that the majority of people who are forced to rely on abortion for family planning are poor people and people of color.  Of course, those two demographics intersect, thanks to the institutionalized racism of our society!  Neat huh?!
Of course, even babies of color are not in high demand with couples looking to adopt.  Many who do want to adopt outside their race choose to go outside the country, where laws are less strict and the process is often less expensive.  Of course, most of the infants adopted this way are obtained in unscrupulous fashion, but who cares about that when you’re saving a little Korean or African baby from the horrible fate of growing up in Korea or Africa???  And all those children who have birth defects, are born with diseases or disabilities, or have other issues… WELL.  Who wants to invest that kind of expense and time?  Why would you adopt someone broken, LOLOL?!
Granted, there are some wonderful people who understand the system a little better, and make it a point to try and give POC and disabled children a good home.  But they make up a very small fraction of potential adopters!  This difference in supply and demand leaves a lot of children stuck in the foster system, where their chances of being adopted diminish with every passing year, and their chances of being physically or sexually abused INCREASE!  Isn’t that wonderful?
And of course, we haven’t even talked about the person who is giving birth to the baby!  I know you probably think pregnancy is a wonderful, happy time, and for some people it is, but it is also one of the greatest health risks a person can take. I love my son very much, and from the day I found out I was pregnant with him, I wanted him!  But I also nearly died giving birth to him.  You see, I had pre-eclampsia, the most commonly fatal birth complication in the world.  My blood pressure was 180 over 130!  At twenty-two years old, I was actually headed for a stroke, hah hah!  How funny is that?  And all it took was missing a single pre-natal appointment during which my blood pressure rose to dangerous levels and my body tried to kill both me and my son.  Those seizures sure were fun, as was the emergency c-section performed without anesthetic!  And being chained down while the operation was performed, because I was delirious and wouldn’t stop trying to fight off the doctors, that was a BLAST!  It was great for my husband too, since he almost lost his wife and child in just forty-five minutes.  You can imagine how thrilled he is at the prospect of me ever getting pregnant again.  Babies are certainly cute, but pregnancy can have massive health complications, and I know it’s such a bummer, but they are PERMANENT.  :(  My abdominal muscles never recovered from being hacked through with a scalpel, and the flood of hormones caused by late pregnancy have changed things from heartburn (never used to have it, now, all the time!) to my emotional reactions (I cry when I see pictures of kittens now.  I used to be tough).  These are changes I did not ask for, cannot control, and cannot fix!  And many people go through worse!  I know, right?  Unbelievable, but go look up the word ‘episiotomy’ and then look up ‘birth rape’ and I’m afraid you’ll find some stuff that just isn’t very shiny.  Plus, the studies actually show that people who carry a baby to term, give birth, then give it up for adoption suffer HIGHER rates of post-pregnancy complications like post-partum depression and post-partum psychosis, general depression, and other mental health issues.  Adoption actually isn’t good for the person giving birth at all!
I’m afraid the picture you chose to use there is also pretty disingenuous.  I know, I know, it seems like nitpicking.  I’m not trying to be mean!  :(  But that picture shows a fully developed, viable infant, and most abortions are performed when the fetus isn’t even a fetus - it’s a blastocyst.  That’s just a clump of cells.  Seriously! You can totally find pictures on the interwebs and they’re not even gross, LOLOL!  Later-term abortions are usually performed because of health complications, though some of our intrepid state legislators are trying to change all that!  They care so much about people who are pregnant, you see, that they want to force them to carry dead or dying fetuses inside them until their body either becomes infected while it rots in their tummies (this is called sepsis, and it makes people very sick, and can even kill them!), or forces it out naturally in a gush of blood and fluids!  Isn’t that so caring of them?  I’m so glad they’re around to make those decisions for me!  And if a pregnant person is not allowed to terminate an unviable fetus, in some states, they have to carry the child to term, give birth to it, and then watch it die in their arms because its lungs weren’t developed, or its brain formed outside its skull, or any of a million possible birth defects that will kill you just as quick as lickity-split!  Isn’t that wild?!  Of course, these people go through terrible grief, and as I mentioned, some of them may get sick and die from not being able to abort dead or dying fetuses.  But I guess that’s just A-okay with you, huh?
Basically, I think before you suggest adoption as a universal alternative, you should actually go do some research on adoption.  And before you condemn abortion, you should do some research on abortions - not the stuff your church is giving you, the stuff the real doctors are saying.  Go to Planned Parenthood (if they haven’t all been closed down, ROFLMAO!) and request whatever information they have on the process, the statistics of who has abortions and why… and actually, all of that is on the interwebs!  Isn’t technology AMAZING?
And in closing, since I’ve been asked this question many times and I know it’s coming?  Yes, I realize I am here talking to you because I was not aborted.  But the thing is, if my mother had chosen abortion, I wouldn’t know the difference, so it wouldn’t matter to me.  And if she decided that choice was best for her, then that choice would have been best for her, and I would never want to take that choice away from her.  As it is, since I was given up for adoption, and since I have seen the statistics on how badly people who give their children up for adoption suffer, I have spent much of my adult life worrying about her, whether she’s healthy, whether she’s okay, and feeling that if she did suffer from any of the common post-birth symptoms, it is at least partially my fault, even though she made that decision on her own.  Which is silly, I know, but at some point, all children have to stare down the consequences of their parents’ having them.  For some, that’s poverty.  For others, a life-time of their parents struggling to treat and care for a severe illness or disability.  For others, it’s wondering if their mother ever got over giving them away, and wishing you could reach out and assure her that it’s okay, she doesn’t have to be haunted.
May your birth control never fail!



"Hi, OP!  As someone who was given up for adoption, allow me to call bullshit on your little post there!  You see, when I was adopted, I was a white-skinned, healthy, neurotypical infant, which basically put me at the top of the list, right underneath white-skinned, healthy, neurotypical MALE infants!  There’s only one kind of infant people wanted to adopt more than me!  I was SOOO lucky!  But if you actually bothered to look at the information readily available on the interwebs, you would be aware that the majority of people who are forced to rely on abortion for family planning are poor people and people of color.  Of course, those two demographics intersect, thanks to the institutionalized racism of our society!  Neat huh?! Of course, even babies of color are not in high demand with couples looking to adopt.   
Many who do want to adopt outside their race choose to go outside the country, where laws are less strict and the process is often less expensive.  Of course, most of the infants adopted this way are obtained in unscrupulous fashion, but who cares about that when you’re saving a little Korean or African baby from the horrible fate of growing up in Korea or Africa???  And all those children who have birth defects, are born with diseases or disabilities, or have other issues… WELL.  Who wants to invest that kind of expense and time?  Why would you adopt someone broken, LOLOL?! 
Granted, there are some wonderful people who understand the system a little better, and make it a point to try and give POC and disabled children a good home.  But they make up a very small fraction of potential adopters!  This difference in supply and demand leaves a lot of children stuck in the foster system, where their chances of being adopted diminish with every passing year, and their chances of being physically or sexually abused INCREASE!  Isn’t that wonderful? 
And of course, we haven’t even talked about the person who is giving birth to the baby!  I know you probably think pregnancy is a wonderful, happy time, and for some people it is, but it is also one of the greatest health risks a person can take. I love my son very much, and from the day I found out I was pregnant with him, I wanted him!  But I also nearly died giving birth to him.  You see, I had pre-eclampsia, the most commonly fatal birth complication in the world.  My blood pressure was 180 over 130!  At twenty-two years old, I was actually headed for a stroke, hah hah!  How funny is that?  And all it took was missing a single pre-natal appointment during which my blood pressure rose to dangerous levels and my body tried to kill both me and my son.  Those seizures sure were fun, as was the emergency c-section performed without anesthetic!  And being chained down while the operation was performed, because I was delirious and wouldn’t stop trying to fight off the doctors, that was a BLAST!  It was great for my husband too, since he almost lost his wife and child in just forty-five minutes.  You can imagine how thrilled he is at the prospect of me ever getting pregnant again. 
Babies are certainly cute, but pregnancy can have massive health complications, and I know it’s such a bummer, but they are PERMANENT.  :(  My abdominal muscles never recovered from being hacked through with a scalpel, and the flood of hormones caused by late pregnancy have changed things from heartburn (never used to have it, now, all the time!) to my emotional reactions (I cry when I see pictures of kittens now.  I used to be tough).  These are changes I did not ask for, cannot control, and cannot fix!  And many people go through worse!  I know, right?  Unbelievable, but go look up the word ‘episiotomy’* and then look up ‘birth rape’** and I’m afraid you’ll find some stuff that just isn’t very shiny.  Plus, the studies actually show that people who carry a baby to term, give birth, then give it up for adoption suffer HIGHER rates of post-pregnancy complications like post-partum depression and post-partum psychosis, general depression, and other mental health issues.  Adoption actually isn’t good for the person giving birth at all! 
I’m afraid the picture you chose to use there is also pretty disingenuous. (pictured above)  I know, I know, it seems like nitpicking.  I’m not trying to be mean!  :(  But that picture shows a fully developed, viable infant, and most abortions are performed when the fetus isn’t even a fetus - it’s a blastocyst.  That’s just a clump of cells.  Seriously! You can totally find pictures on the interwebs and they’re not even gross, LOLOL!  Later-term abortions are usually performed because of health complications, though some of our intrepid state legislators are trying to change all that!  They care so much about people who are pregnant, you see, that they want to force them to carry dead or dying fetuses inside them until their body either becomes infected while it rots in their tummies (this is called sepsis, and it makes people very sick, and can even kill them!), or forces it out naturally in a gush of blood and fluids!  Isn’t that so caring of them?  I’m so glad they’re around to make those decisions for me!  And if a pregnant person is not allowed to terminate an unviable fetus, in some states, they have to carry the child to term, give birth to it, and then watch it die in their arms because its lungs weren’t developed, or its brain formed outside its skull, or any of a million possible birth defects that will kill you just as quick as lickity-split!  Isn’t that wild?!  Of course, these people go through terrible grief, and as I mentioned, some of them may get sick and die from not being able to abort dead or dying fetuses.  But I guess that’s just A-okay with you, huh? 
Basically, I think before you suggest adoption as a universal alternative, you should actually go do some research on adoption.  And before you condemn abortion, you should do some research on abortions - not the stuff your church is giving you, the stuff the real doctors are saying.  Go to Planned Parenthood (if they haven’t all been closed down, ROFLMAO!) and request whatever information they have on the process, the statistics of who has abortions and why… and actually, all of that is on the interwebs!  Isn’t technology AMAZING? 
And in closing, since I’ve been asked this question many times and I know it’s coming?  Yes, I realize I am here talking to you because I was not aborted.  But the thing is, if my mother had chosen abortion, I wouldn’t know the difference, so it wouldn’t matter to me.  And if she decided that choice was best for her, then that choice would have been best for her, and I would never want to take that choice away from her.  As it is, since I was given up for adoption, and since I have seen the statistics on how badly people who give their children up for adoption suffer, I have spent much of my adult life worrying about her, whether she’s healthy, whether she’s okay, and feeling that if she did suffer from any of the common post-birth symptoms, it is at least partially my fault, even though she made that decision on her own.  Which is silly, I know, but at some point, all children have to stare down the consequences of their parents’ having them.  For some, that’s poverty.  For others, a life-time of their parents struggling to treat and care for a severe illness or disability.  For others, it’s wondering if their mother ever got over giving them away, and wishing you could reach out and assure her that it’s okay, she doesn’t have to be haunted. 
May your birth control never fail!"



In my honest opinion, it's great that there are people out there who care about babies so much that they are "Pro-Life" but I find that more often than not, the caring subsides entirely once the child is actually outside of the womb. The concern should, instead, lie with the women who are carrying the child and their living situations so that those babies you're so concerned about have a nice living space they can be born into if said women are in a good state (financially, emotionally, mentally, and as far as their health is concerned) to carry and should as well lie with the babies and children that are already born and all of the parents in the world who are abusive (physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally) or are just plain unfit to actually be parents. Why don't you guide all of those families you say would adopt those potential abortions toward all the thousands if not millions of children who are already born and need loving and caring families/homes?
Or I mean, you could also care about all of the innocent people who are killed every year.

As far as sex-ed is concerned, I feel like schools need more sufficient classes or programs where students can ACTUALLY learn about their bits and pieces, about sex, about sexually transmitted diseases, how to stay safe while sexually active, and about all the information in regards to contraception. If I ever have a child and the schools won't teach them this necessary information, I will do it myself. Because, IMO, it's better to have them out having sex while being aware of what they're getting into and how to stay safe and protected than to keep that information from them and they have sex anyway but wind up getting sick, hurt or pregnant because they didn't know what they were doing and then they wind up in a situation they don't know how to handle.
"Now, imagine that you have a four year old and a really beautiful, giant chocolate cake.
and you put the cake in front of the kid and that’s it, you don't give her any plates or any utensils you just sort of set the cake down in front of the kid and then tell her not to eat it.
and the reason you tell her not to eat it is because she’ll get messy, or she’ll eat too much and get sick. but instead of telling her that you just sort of look at her and then go ‘yeah’ and walk away and leave her to her own devices and then obviously the minute you walk out of the room she’s begins eating that cake. I mean, come on, it’s chocolate and beautiful and yeah you told her not to eat it but you know what, fuck that noise, it’s a perfectly good cake, why not? so she digs in but you didn't give her anything, just the cake (and what a beautiful cake it is) so she just sort of digs in with her hands and she gets it everywhere and then eventually she’s eaten so much that she gets sick and you come back in a couple of minutes later and she’s there sprawled on her chair with cake all over her face and floor and feeling like she’s going to vomit and you shake your head at that four year old and go ‘i did all i could this is all her fault now'.
That’s abstinence-only sex education."
I can understand wanting to protect your child or wanting to keep them as innocent as possible, but I seriously think that teaching them this stuff when they're old enough to understand is important. If it's not you teaching them, it's going to be something else, whether it be an experience, or a person. It might even be them learning about it the hard way. I'd rather my kids learn from me, whether it be about cursing, drinking, having sex, or whatever, than from some random source or person or situation that could be potentially damaging or even fatal. Sometimes, the best way to protect your kid, is to keep them informed and aware.


-----------------------------------------------------------------

To expand on "spousal/partner" abuse mentioned above, did you know that some men will force their wives/significant others into getting pregnant so that those women will have to be dependent on them?

Here's a few stories I found on Tumblr about this:
"A few weeks ago my mom stapled pages of a story in one of her women’s magazines together and handed it to me. She gave it to me pretty much with the tag lines “for your feminist blog” and “something new to consider.” Indeed it was; she knows me well. 
The story is titled “I was forced to be pregnant.” With a title like that, reading it was actually not on the top of my to read list. I thought it was about women not exercising their right to choice. I was very, very wrong on that one. 
Have you ever heard of Reproductive coercion? It is a term that was quite recently coined by the advocates against domestic violence to describe a certain type of abuse some women face. It occurs when a man pressures their partner to have kids and/or impregnates them against their will. 
Reproductive coercion comes in three different types:
1. Emotional pressure that turns into verbal and physical abuse.
2. Sabotaging birth control
3. Marital rape 
Over 75% of women 19-49 who reported once experiencing domestic violence also endured some type of reproductive control by men. It’s all about control and domination over a woman’s body. 
The first story in the magazine is about a woman who got married around 36 years of age. After a few months of dating, her boyfriend talked excitedly about having children. After he proposed he began calling her “The Babymaker.” She then confided with him that one of her Fallopian tubes was blocked. He in return insisted she see a fertility doctor. She recounts, “I had finally met a great guy who was eager to start a family with me. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?” Soon after her honeymoon, he persisted in an obsessive manner, but his efforts had to be temporarily halted as she had to get emergency back surgery. Alas, 6 months into recovery he was back to pressuring her again. She was in much pain at the time due to her back, but she agreed to In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). She then became pregnant, but soon miscarried. In response, her husband grabbed her by the neck, choking her. He apologized, blaming his outburst on his grief and had her sign up for another round of IVF. And then a third round. She tried to put him off with the excuse that she needed to weigh more before she could take treatments, her husband forced her to get on the scale often and filled the fridge with fattening foods. “It hurt that all I was good for was getting pregnant.” She recounts. At the end, he screamed at her, threatening to replace her with a maid if she couldn’t get pregnant and she told him she no longer wanted to have his child. He destroyed bedroom furniture, pushed her down the stairs and threatened her with a gun. She fled to a domestic violence shelter. 
The second story was about a woman who faced marital rape. This woman was 40, had a then boyfriend and two children from a previous marriage. After telling her boyfriend she did not want any more children, her boyfriend refused to wear a condom and began to rape her.  She then became pregnant with her third child. Birth control was never an option for her because she couldn’t hide pills anywhere because he would go through all of her belongings. Three months after giving birth, he raped her again, impregnating her with twins. She lost the twins in a physical fight with him, but soon became pregnant again. During her recovery she begged her obstetrician to remove her ovaries and devise a lie to tell him; that she had cancer. After a decade of sexual abuse and violence she was able to get a job that kept her out of the house and often times traveling. 
One in four callers to the National Domestic Abuse hotline said that their partners had tried to force them to become pregnant. Why? As one woman stated, “Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.”  Having a baby is the perfect tie that binds. These type of abusers want to create a circumstance in which their partner is dependent on him. 
WHAT’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH PLANNED PARENTHOOD? Many voters never consider how defunding these clinics could hurt victims of domestic violence who turn to them for counseling as well as pregnancy prevention. Abused women will turn to health care providers long before they will turn to domestic abuse hotlines and organizations. Many women in abusive relationships rely on life saving, affordable care programs such as Title X. It is critical that such places are open and operation when women and children need them so desperately.
"I know I’ve told this story before, but my abusive ex refused to let me take birth control.  I was on the pill until he found them in my purse.
I went to the Student Health Center—they were completely unhelpful, choosing to lecture me about the importance of safe sex (recommending condoms) instead of actually listening to my problem.
Then I went to Planned Parenthood. The Nurse Practitioner took one look at my fading bruises and stopped the exam. She called in the doctor. The doctor came in and simply asked me: “Are you ready to leave him?” When I denied that I was being abused, she didn’t argue with me. She just asked me what I needed. I said I need a birth control method that my boyfriend couldn’t detect. She recommended a few options and we decided on Depo.
When I told her that my boyfriend read my emails and listened to my phone messages and was known to follow me, she suggested to do the Depo injections at off hours when the clinic was normally closed. She made a note in my chart and instructed the front desk never to leave messages for me—instead, she programmed her personal cell phone number into my phone under the name “Nora”. She told me she would call me to schedule my appointments; she wouldn’t leave a message, but I should call her back when I was able to.
And that was it. No judgment. No lecture. She walked me to the door and told me to call her day or night if I needed anything. That she lived 5 blocks from campus and would come get me. That I wasn’t alone. That she just wanted me to be safe.
I never called her to come to my rescue. But I have no doubt that she would have come if I had called. She kept me on Depo for a year, giving me those monthly injections in secret, helping me prevent a desperately unwanted pregnancy.
I cannot thank Planned Parenthood enough for the work they do."
The same can be done by women. There have been cases where women get pregnant, or try to get pregnant by poking holes into condoms or messing with other forms of contraception, or other means in an attempt to trap a man into staying with her or paying her child support checks. If they can't get pregnant, or haven't yet gotten pregnant, they may even lie and say they're pregnant anyway.
Babies aren't control mechanisms, I really feel like both women and men should stop using them as such.
Having a child is a big, life changing ordeal. If you want to start a family, fine, but that's something you and your significant other definitely need to talk about and agree upon before it finally happens. Having a legitimate accidental pregnancy is one thing, but getting accidentally pregnant on purpose or forcing your wife to get pregnant against her will is just awful. Not only for either the man or the woman, but for the baby being born (if it's born at all) or conceived under such a despicable circumstance.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

As for contraception, there's a variety of steps you can take for safe sex and contraceptives come in a variety of forms: (SOURCE)

The most common among women is Birth control pills:
A simple pill you take everyday. Though used most often as a contraceptive, many women use pills for a variety of reasons: 
  • Makes periods more regular
  • Decreases the amount in a menstrual flow
  • Decreases cramp severity
  • Decreases acne
  • Prevents serious health risks like Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (can cause infertility if left untreated), Ovarian and Endometrial Cancer, and Osteoperosis. 
  • Prevents iron deficiency anemia
  • Prevents serious infection in the ovaries, tubes, and Uterus.
  • Prevents Breast Growths (non-cancerous)
However, as with any medication it can come with side effects such as:
  • bleeding between periods (most often with progestin-only pills)
  • nausea and vomiting
  • breast tenderness
It’s important that you find a method that won’t make you feel sick or uncomfortable. If you continue to experience side effects after taking the pill for three months, talk with your health care provider about changing your prescription. - See more at: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/birth-control-pill#sthash.EDj755bu.dpuf

Other forms of contraceptives are as follows:

Birth control implants:
A matchstick-sized rod that is inserted in the arm to prevent pregnancy. Must be inserted by a health care provider. Costs between $0 and $800 up front, but lasts up to three years - See more at: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/birth-control-implant-implanon
Birth control patch:
A small patch that sticks to your skin to prevent pregnancy
Condom:
Worn on the penis. Made of latex or plastic. Prevents pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection. Can be used with another form of birth control for extra protection. Can be used for vaginal, anal, or oral sex.
Female Condom (or Vaginal Condom):
A pouch inserted into the vagina to prevent pregnancy. Reduces the risk of sexually transmitted infection. Can be used for vaginal and anal intercourse.
 Cervical Cap:
A silicone cup inserted into the vagina to prevent pregnancy. Safe, effective, and convenient. Lasts for up to two years.
NuvaRing:
A small ring you put in your vagina once a month for three weeks to prevent pregnancy
Morning-After Pill:
Birth control you can use to prevent pregnancy up to five days (120 hours) after unprotected sex. Two kinds of emergency contraception — morning-after pill and ParaGard IUD insertion. 
You can even be sterilized to prevent any pregnancies by getting your tubes (fallopian) tied, or having a vasectomy, however that does not mean you're safe against STDs so protection is still recommended.  That can also be said for most if not all of the contraceptives listed above. Please, if anything, go to a doctor or to Planned Parenthood to find out what's right for you and what may be the best option, especially if you have allergies to any of the above. Be smart and stay safe.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

*Episiotomy - An episiotomy is a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus (the area called the perineum) made just before delivery to enlarge your vaginal opening. (For more info: http://www.babycenter.com/0_all-about-episiotomy_165.bc)

**Birth Rape (A.K.A Birth Trauma) A term some people would use to describe a traumatic birth experience where a woman or women have felt dis-empowered, bullied and/or abused by their healthcare providers/doctors. It's a situation where they have felt they had no other options but to submit to medical procedures done entirely against their will. They experienced giving birth as violence perpetrated on their bodies by people they thought they could trust. They might feel violated, betrayed, shamed and/or terrified (What a woman might feel in this situation probably varies from woman to woman as I'm sure not every woman experiences/feels exactly the same thing).
The term "Birth Rape" is deemed controversial due to the fact that while the rage, despair and feelings of violation some women might experience after a traumatic, out-of-control birth are valid and powerful, they aren’t considered the same as the feelings women might experience after actual rape. (I hope this explanation isn't offensive. I didn't intend for it to come off as such.)

Related Posts:

No comments:

Post a Comment